Random Post!

I'm bored and have nothing better to do. Let's summarize a video game!

Dante's Inferno starts off during the Crusades in Acre. Not how the poem starts, but this is more interesting. Dante gets shanked and is faced by the Reaper, who's ass he kicks surprizingly quickly. He takes his scythe and goes home to his unwed f**kbuddy, Beatrice, who was killed by the husband of the chick Dante screwed behind Beatrice's back. Dante chases her down to hell and finds himself in Limbo. After tearing the head off a scary talking boat and pinning the judge of the Damned to a massive spiky wheel and reving it full force, he proceeds to Lust, a relatively disturbing section of Hell. Boobies. Lol. He then meets a colosal Cleopatra, Beatrice dressed up by Lucifer, and a very deformed Marc Antony. You kick Antony's ass fairly quickly, then after a brief scene of near-fatal suduction and a stab to Cleopatra's ribs, you climb down Gluttony, which is basically made of organs, flesh, bowels, fecices, and several other unplesant entities. After owning the WORST but at the same time coolest version of Cerberus ever devised, you walk around in the squishy poop and find yourself in a very different portion: a distorted world of floating platforms, portals, and 3 random Gluttons, which you dispatch quickly. After solving the simple puzzle, you end up in Greed, perhaps the most annoying Circle. After some difficult contraptions and time-sensitive tasks with some mild puzzleness, you face off with Dante's dad, a fat old bastard who tried to have his way with Dante's girl. Classy, dad.
(this post is kinda long, so I'll finish it later.)